What Is Masking and Why Do Neurodivergent Girls Do It?

She seems fine. She is managing. She is polite, engaged and socially appropriate. She holds it together at school, says the right things, laughs at the right moments. And then she gets home and falls apart completely.

If this sounds familiar, masking may be part of the picture. Masking is one of the most commonly discussed experiences in the neurodivergent community, and one of the most important to understand for parents and young people navigating ADHD or autism.

This post explains what masking is, why girls in particular are more likely to do it, and what the long-term impact can be. 

What Is Masking?
Masking — sometimes called camouflaging — refers to the process of suppressing, hiding or disguising neurodivergent traits in order to appear neurotypical. It involves consciously or unconsciously modifying behaviour, communication style, emotional expression and social presentation to fit in with the expectations of a neurotypical world.

Masking can look like:
- Rehearsing conversations before they happen
- Watching and imitating the social behaviour of peers
- Suppressing stimming behaviours in public — fidgeting, rocking, hand movements — that would otherwise help with regulation
- Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable or distracting
- Performing interest or engagement in social interactions that feel draining or confusing
- Working intensely to understand unspoken social rules that come naturally to others
- Suppressing emotional reactions that feel too big or too different
- Presenting as calm and competent externally while feeling overwhelmed internally

Why Girls Are More Likely to Mask:
Masking is not unique to girls, but research consistently indicates that girls and young women with ADHD and autism are more likely to mask — and to mask more effectively — than their male counterparts. Several factors contribute to this.

Social expectations. Girls are socialised from an early age to be socially appropriate, agreeable and emotionally regulated. The social cost of appearing different is often higher for girls, which creates a powerful incentive to mask from a young age.

Social motivation. Many autistic girls have a strong desire to connect with others and fit in socially. This motivation drives the development of masking strategies that allow them to participate in social environments even when those environments feel confusing or overwhelming.

Observation and imitation. Girls are often skilled observers of social behaviour and develop sophisticated strategies for imitating neurotypical social presentation — including learning social scripts, studying peer behaviour and adopting the mannerisms and speech patterns of those around them.

Later identification. Because masking is so effective, autistic and ADHD girls are identified later than boys on average. The masking itself is part of why the signs are missed.

The Cost of Masking:
Masking is not without consequence. While it allows neurodivergent girls to navigate neurotypical environments, it comes at a significant cost to mental health and wellbeing. The effort required to mask is substantial. Maintaining a neurotypical presentation throughout a school day — monitoring facial expressions, managing sensory overwhelm, tracking conversations, suppressing natural impulses — is exhausting work.

For many neurodivergent girls, the collapse that happens at home at the end of the day is not defiance or manipulation. It is a nervous system that has been working at full capacity and has nothing left. 

Over time, sustained masking can contribute to:
- Burnout — a state of physical, cognitive and emotional exhaustion that can be severe and prolonged
- Anxiety — the constant monitoring and self-regulation involved in masking is inherently anxiety-provoking
- Depression and low mood — often connected to the chronic effort of suppressing authentic self-expression
- Identity confusion — when masking begins early and becomes automatic, many neurodivergent young women lose track of who they are without the mask
- Delayed identification — effective masking means the signs of ADHD or autism are less visible, leading to later identification and longer periods without appropriate support

Masking and Identity:
For many neurodivergent girls and young women, the question of who they are without the mask is genuinely difficult to answer. When masking has been present since early childhood — and particularly when a young person has not yet received a neurodivergent identification — the mask can feel like the self.

A late identification of ADHD or autism can bring significant relief alongside a complex process of unpacking. Questions that often arise include:

- Which parts of me are genuinely me, and which parts developed to help me fit in?
- How do I grieve the years I spent working so hard to be someone I was not?
- What does it look like to live more authentically as a neurodivergent person?
- How do I navigate relationships and environments now that I understand myself differently?

These are not simple questions. They are the work of therapy — and they deserve genuine, thoughtful support. 

What Masking Looks Like at Different Ages:
In younger teenage girls aged 12 to 15, masking often looks like:
- Appearing socially capable at school while being emotionally dysregulated at home
- Working very hard to maintain friendships that feel confusing or exhausting
- Performing engagement in class while struggling internally to process information
- Suppressing sensory discomfort in school environments

In older teenage girls and young women aged 16 to 25, masking often looks like: 
- Chronic exhaustion from the effort of navigating university, work and social environments
- A growing awareness that they are performing rather than being themselves
- Relationships that feel one-sided or draining
- Burnout following significant life transitions — finishing school, starting university, beginning work
- A late ADHD or autism identification following years of struggling without understanding why

Supporting a Young Person Who Is Masking: 
For parents, understanding masking changes the way you interpret some of your daughter's behaviour. The collapse at home is not ingratitude or manipulation — it is the result of a nervous system that has been working hard all day and has finally reached a safe enough place to release. Practical things that can help:

- Create a predictable, low-demand space at home where she does not have to perform
- Avoid adding demands immediately after school — allow decompression time
- Validate the effort she is putting in, even when it is invisible
- Avoid pushing her to socialise or engage during decompression periods
- Support her in understanding her own neurodivergent profile so she can begin to understand herself more clearly

For the young woman herself, understanding masking can be a profound reframe. The exhaustion makes sense. The confusion makes sense. And with the right support, it is possible to build a life that requires less masking — not by demanding more of yourself, but by finding environments, relationships and ways of living that fit who you actually are.

How Psychological Support Can Help:
Psychological support at our practice is neuroaffirming. Masking is understood as a protective strategy that developed for good reasons — not something to be judged or simply told to stop. Therapy can support neurodivergent girls and young women to:

- Understand their own masking patterns and what drives them
- Process the grief and complexity of late identification
- Build a clearer sense of identity that is rooted in who they actually are
- Develop practical strategies for reducing the demands on their nervous system
- Recover from burnout and build a more sustainable way of living

Sessions draw on ACT, CBT and DBT, adapted for neurodivergent presentations. For more information about our approach to neurodiversity, visit our Neurodiversity Support page.

Ready to Get Started?
Support is available now with no waitlist. Whether you are ready to book or simply have a question, send an email to info@nvpsychology.com.au — we are always more than happy to help.

 This article provides general information only and is not a substitute for personalised psychological or medical advice, assessment or treatment. If you are in crisis or feel unsafe, please call Triple Zero (000). You can also contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24-hour support.